Conquering Fears

What are you afraid of? Everything? Nothing? A few things?


I have a few fears, the best are the "mini" fears - you know, the 'afraid of spiders', the 'afraid of the dark', the 'afraid of killer bees' - mostly fears that can be conquered if no one is there to rescue me and they are ones that are generally unwarranted/unlikely to result in catastrophe.


But what about the real "what ifs"  - those things that keep you up at night, make your heart beat faster, what about those fears?


- Fear of losing your child


- Fear of financial crisis/loss of job


- Fear of walking alone on a dark street


- Fear of making a fool of yourself


I have a few of those that keep me up, make me anxious, but most of all make me second guess myself. One fear that I face fairly regularly is the fear of running alone. 


Now, you're probably thinking, that is a strange thing to be afraid of.  Well, if you don't watch any of those Law & Order/Criminal Minds/CSI shows, perhaps your fear of being alone and also of strangers is not so heightened....the problem is I have watched those shows....and I have also been followed.


Sigh.


I love to run (well, truthfully I love how I feel after I run!). A few years ago, in our old Surrey/Delta neighbourhood I was going for a run. The time was about 5 pm, it was spring/summer so it was broad daylight. I had run this route many times, I was familiar with the streets and even thought to myself how great it was that so many people were out enjoying the weather.


Then I felt as if someone was behind me. I glanced back and sure enough there was someone behind me. It was a man, and he seemed to be heading the same way I was but I said to myself, "Don't be paranoid, there are plenty of people out here and you don't own the sidewalk. He is probably just heading the same direction."


I then turned down one of those alley ways that is between houses - a sort of pedestrian shortcut between streets. I was jogging through this tree-lined alley way and I heard the fast footsteps behind me. Again, I calmed myself saying, "I'm sure he is just out for a run too, no need to freak out."


And then he caught up to me. And then he grabbed me. From behind, in an area that is inappropriate for anyone to grab me. And I screamed, turned and was face to face with this stranger. Our eyes locked, I felt frozen and then he turned and ran the opposite direction. 


To this day I don't know why he ran, if he realized that I was actually TALLER than him or if he saw an angel behind me, but I thank God that it was only a grab and nothing worse. (And even though this is now over 5 years ago, my heart is beating fast as I write this.) 


I turned and ran, half crying, half panicking as I tried to get home as quickly as possible. Brian wasn't even home that evening, he was at work and unfortunately received a panicked call from his sobbing wife.


Eventually I called the police later that evening, filed a report and even went to do a sketch at the police station. 


What stuck with me was that the sketch artist said that I did the right thing in screaming and he also asked if I was planning to go out running. With a deep breath I said, "Yes. If I stop running then people like that man win."


Honestly it took me a long time to go out running again, on my own. And I still look over my shoulder and I definitely do not run down those alley ways unless I am sure it is okay or if I am with a group. 


So why bother telling this crazy story? Because on Saturday morning I went for a run, and I was quite aware of who was around and I ran anyway. I definitely kept my eye on the situation, and I'll often adjust my route so that I am more confident, but I feel like slowly I am conquering that fear.


What fear are you tackling?